A CLOCKWORK BLUE is more technically accomplished but even more deserving of remaining in obscurity. Cue plenty of lame Yiddish humor as bumbling nebbish mama’s boy researcher Homer (Joseph E. Tata, THE UNHOLY ROLLERS) gets thrown back in time when a pocket watch belonging to one of his ancestors succeeds where his professor’s time travel experiments have failed. Homer smokes pot with Paul Revere (John Kirkland) and is ravished by Betsy Ross (Marie Arnold, MEAT CLEAVER MASSACRE). As the Scarlet Pimpernel, he interrupts a lesbian tryst between Marie Antoinette (Suzanne Fields, BLUE MONEY) and Madame Dubarry (Shella Bancroft) and barely escapes the attentions of foppish King Louis XVI (Sebastian Brook again). In Salem, Homer watches two “savages” get it on with a corn cob when Miles Standish puts him in the stocks after catching him with hot-to-trot Priscilla (Mady Maguire again). Portly Henry VIII mistakes him for painter Hans Holbein and commissions him to paint his betrothed Anne Boleyn (Rene Bond again) while she sleeps in the nude only to spy her giving her virginity to Thomas Cromwell (grandson of Oliver). Ted V. Mikels regular Bill Bagdad (THE GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS) turns up as the real Holbein to expose his imposter’s finger painting. In ancient Greece, Homer impatiently waits for Paris (Ray Sebastian) and Helen of Troy (Jayne Allyson, THE GODSON) to get out of bed so he can warn them about the Trojan Horse. In Rome, Julius Caesar (Donn Greer again) mistakes Homer for Marc Antony and entrusts him with the guardianship of Cleopatra (Shannon West, FLESH GORDON) until when they attend an orgy on the Ides of March.
The suspense does not lie in whether Homer will survive the dangers of any of these time periods, but in whether he will manage to get laid, but the character is so annoying that the viewer would rather he remain the frustrated voyeur (henpecked by his mother – hulking guy in drag – eating out of a kid’s lunch box, and bathing a doll). The period sets range from “stylized” to completely threadbare, and the same can be said of the costumes. Like Homer’s watch, the film just winds down to an unfunny punchline; although nothing that came before it was particularly chuckle worthy (not even switching the voices of Paris and Helen of Troy). However unexciting THE JEKYLL AND HYDE PORTFOLIO, it’s definitely the stronger and more watchable film in this double bill.